What A Life....

The beauty of starting over is you can whenever you want. You can turn your bad habits to good ones. The thing I've realized about myself is that I procrastinate a lot. Don't get me wrong I get things done, just on my time and sometimes that isn't on time. I realized that the older you get the more responsibility, mind you I'm a plus 1 so that doubles the responsibility. I am human, I make stupid decisions /mistakes that can be prevented but they say the smartest people tend to do the dumbest things lol. I'm the type to sit back and observe everyone around me, I observe and I separate. The people that can motivate and push me from the ones that wants to see me down. From time to time we don't really realize the people that are for us and the ones that aren't. It's so hard now a days to trust anyone because everyone is only trying to look out for themselves, keep a mask of purity when in reality they subway dirty, it's time that we be honest with ourselves, understand we will never be perfect, we will mess up, forget, curse, drink, smoke etc. accept that sometimes we lie, no one tells the truth 100% of the time even if it's a white lie. I'm not saying it's ok to stay this way, bettering yourself is only for you. Prove to yourself that not only with age you can grow [mentally]. Everything now a days seems like a competition, I swear I feel like everyone is so afraid of being genuinely them. If no one can accept you then so be it, you'll have people that will. If you're a private person then that's just what you are, but never be private to cover up what you're really doing. We all fall short, the only person you'll ever answer to is He who gave you life. Forgive us/Me -SheSo🌿

Idk..Maybe..I just might..

Lets be real, let's get to the bottom of the real facts, you do so much but they put on an act. You break your back just to get stabbed in it. You loved, you loved hard, making plans about the future when the future could've start with just one commitment. Ladies please help me, you proved that you're loyal, you do all the things to prove you're patient by accepting the thing you usually wouldn't. You do things out of your comfort zone because of the love you have for that person. Forget the material things, fancy dinners, meeting his friends etc. lets not forget you're sleeping with someone that isn't fully yours, he isn't obligated to stay, there is no strings attached. Ladies, my thing is why act as IF WE ARE in a relationship, doing relationship things but can't put no title on what is "yours" but then again it isn't yours. So I guess it's still ok to be loyal and patient on something that you aren't even sure of. Let's be real, let's state the facts. You feeling him and he's feeling you, that's cool, get to know me I'll get to know you. Friends, strictly friends, I'll say dating. We can talk every now and then, hang out and do things friends do until you BOTH agree to what you guys want past your friendship. The way we mess things up is that we get so caught up and antsy about the new thing we rush into it "physically" and forget what we are trying to build. It's like we are doing things backwards. We forget about the persons character, personality, mindset and how that person is as a person, everything is so out of order now a days that we are simply confused. The new saying " A bond is better than a title" that is the most dumbest quote man could ever come up with. You can bond with just about anyone, that isn't the hard part. Ladies and this goes for guys too, it's like we forgot our worth, a title brings confirmation, a title brings security a title brings perfect sense like a wife to her husband. A boyfriend to his girlfriend. It's YOURS. But we've accept just anything, we are ok with just anything. NO! Listen I understand for some people they just want a "Fun" time or a friend with benefits; a lot of times we speak before we fully understand what we are saying. We sometimes mess ourselves up. No matter how much you like someone you shouldn't settle yourself for them, if this person doesn't understand after many times of what you want then you 2 aren't ON THE SAME PAGE! Some of us stick around hoping things MIGHT(unsure) change, or you don't wanna give up that specific person because you don't wanna see them with anyone else. I completely understand how it feels after you've invested so much time, love, care and your body for this person that you feel completely trapped. It sucks! But people that is no is excuse to be ok and settle. You should want and expect more, if this person cannot provide that at the moment then why suffer? It's best to be apart and GROW, the longer you stay, the more tired you'll get. It's like you spent all your time trying to grow a garden and all your flowers keeps dying. What do you or I have to do to change things so my/your garden of flowers won't die, but blossom beautifully? You'll have to commit to that garden and make "Sure" you're planting the seeds correctly, watering it and making sure it has enough sun. It's a process, Loyalty-----Proven-----Patience-----Proven------ then comes the commitment!!!!!!! if everything is proven what is the wait? If you're dating someone you should only want to grow with them. In Order, but now a days it isn't like that. Let's do everything first then maybe I might.... -SB💕

Restoration!!!!

Hey y'all! It's been a minute, there is so much I have to fill you guys in about on what I've experienced in the last month. Relationship failure, job lost, everything that could go wrong went wrong. But I'll never forget the day my sister Caroline asked me a favor when I asked her to do one for me; she said "Come to church with me" I said willing, no problem I'll come. Mind you I haven't been in a church in the past 2 years, I was anti-church. I've always felt like pastors were always after their own needs and wants, so I thought and assumed. I drove in the church parking lot and the name of the church was "Divine Hope Restoration Ministry" that spoke volumes to me. Mind you this is new for me, I'm walking into a brand new church with my guards up. Just observing everything and everyone around me, that was the day my life was changed forever, I can't stress it enough how amazing, that sermon was that day. He completely took me out of my comfort zone, my pride level went from a 10 to a 0 I just wanted to hear more and more. He spoke truth, pure real ness, he made so much sense. People, I've realized that we are NOTHING without God, man cannot provide what he has provided for us. We put so much time into our relationships, friends, clubs, smoking, drinking, when we could be praise and worshiping him for life, for waking up. I realized everything has failed in my life because He wasn't in it. Every feelings I've had were only temporary. My life was a MESS, I was angry, bitter, upset, confused, dealt with all kinds of mind battles only because I was distracted from his word. I didn't know what forgiveness was, so I knew nothing about blessings, I didn't know how to love, so I knew NOTHING about blessings, I wanted to do things that weren't of him, that lead me to destruction that lead me to being blind. A lot of people need to understand, we all have a purpose in life, we all have work to do. All we have to do is believe and pray that we will get to our purpose only if we let him lead us there. Repent, for He is coming. There is no need to be afraid, it is pure joy. We have to let go and sacrifice everything so we can get to the kingdom. We gotta become full time Christians, we have to submit ourselves to him, he has to restore our hearts, mind, body and soul. We have to learn how to believe things before it happens, that's the test of faith. When you are in Christ, we all have to love one another as it is a commandment, it says (love your neighbor as yourself, there is no greater commandment. Mark 12:31). A lot of times, we hold on to things that people have done to us, how do we expect God to forgive us if we can't forgive others? We hate, bash, trash peoples names instead of praying for them, instead of loving them just how God loves us. ( We have to do better). We have to learn how to put our feelings aside and do what is right. Your love is tested when your enemy needs you!!!! Love that is not tested isn't proven. When you put in full time, you put away wickedness. It is time, to reverse the mind of our society, we are missing out on so much because of our pride, expand your mind, be open to the truth, read your bible, ask God for understanding, let's help on another, let's have peace, let unite! We always looking for someone to prophecies to us when the bible is a prophecy. When are we going to realize that he wants more for us than we want for ourselves? When will we realize it's time for restoration???? Anything that is unjust is SEEN, we need to learn to love everyone through circumstance. My goal is to bring everyone out, my heart desires are to see all my friends and family prosper. We have to want to unite and come together. The one thing the devil hates is unity, he will make you come against your own blood. He will separate all things that Christ has put together; don't be fooled, the devil is the trickiest; he IS NOT FOR YOU! Let's be wise. -SB❤️

What Are You Left With? (The cycle of teaching)

What are you left with when you're so focused on taking care of everyone else but yourself? A lot of times you'll find that one person that does for everyone, the advice giver, the lover, the hand giver, the I'll take the tab don't worry kind of person. I can honestly say I had that kind of person in me. The "Kind one". You hate to see people suffer, cry or be hurt. It's so in you to give, give and give. You wanna nurture everyone so everyone can just be happy with pure peace ; but sometimes you can't be that "Kind" of person all the time. What we have to understand is that we need to nurture, love, and cater to ourselves first. You can't always give and be left with nothing this doesn't mean finically only but in ever aspect. How can someone give you advice but fail to use their own? This is a part of me that I'm working on. A lot of times you like to see people grow but what about your growth, have you ever thought for one second if that person wants to see growth in you? We really have to reevaluate what it's really like to lead the way, if you're leading the way for others where are you taking yourself? Why are you left behind? Like I always say sometimes it's ok to be a bit selfish about yourself, what's wrong with saying no, I'm working on myself so u can't help you right now. In order to to be a great role model you have to remodel yourself first. It's deeper than rap. What are you left with? Educate yourself so you'll be ready to educate the ones that don't know, because what sense will you make if you aren't making any sense? It's ok to give, teach, love and care but it all start with you so you can have a full understanding on why you're genuinely doing it for others. We always say, " When people need me I'm there, but when I need people they aren't. The only reason of this is because the person you're teaching these thing to doesn't know, sometimes people don't know how to give what they get. What I'm trying to say is: to be better; you have to better yourself in order to be the person to help others. so they can help others, it's a cycle of not being left behind. What great feeling is it to have complete peace at the end of the day when you know you've done a great deed for someone knowing if you need them they'll return that favor? It's like tag you're it! I've helped myself to where I am, now let me help you so you can help and educate someone else. Teachers teach to spread knowledge. Preachers preach to spread knowledge. The only reason these people are where they're is only because they had to be taught, so they can teach! Knowledge is the weapon. Before anyone put yourself first, no one wants to be taught by someone that doesn't know. When raising a child you raise your child based on what you know, based on what you've been taught. There is no to be taking care of others when you can't even take care of yourself. There is no classroom filled with a teacher that doesn't know. Why are left behind while others are taking care of themselves? You should always put yourself first!!!!!!!!!!!

Listen...

Have you ever.... Have you ever met someone or had something you just can't let go of? That one thing for me is something real. Have you ever met someone that makes you feel like everything is alright in the midst of things that's going wrong? Have you ever? Have you ever felt like life has no meaning without that one thing or person? Sometimes we fall so hard to get back up again. It's like make up sex in reality. It breaks and you try and rebuild it with all the tools of love, care and affection. Have you ever? Have you ever loved so deep, deeper than the sand that's under sea?  You crave for the same thing; will you ever get it? Will he ever get it? Will she just try and understand? but you're why she just doesn't understand. it's not that he doesn't love you he just never knew how. You drive yourself crazy because all you want is that love and affection, all you want is just a little bit of attention. Have you ever felt like giving up, but giving up would be to easy.. Have you ever thought that one day she'll just throw in the towel?. No! he's saying have you ever thought of being my wife?.. But have you ever thought that was always one of her thoughts? Sometimes we forget to just communicate on how we are feeling, I know went a little deep but my thing is, why not just be open and speak on how you feel? with everyone. We wake up every morning with a new feeling, a new thought, a new soul search. I feel as if; this is where you plan to be make it happen. try not to jeopardize it. Sometimes we say we want something but never have the gut to keep it when we actually have it. We take advantage of the fact that we have it and wet think we may never lose it. Be open minded and understand that people wake up with different thoughts/feelings every day. So when they finally get tired of not getting what they give, they'll eventually leave. Long story short, appreciate what you have when you have it. Everyone wants to be loved the right way. -SB❤️

My Thoughts On What You Be Thinking

Love... That topic comes up a lot. Some people say we don't understand it, some say it comes easy but really it doesn't. Most girls wait for this moment when the other 5% can careless about it. I've always saw myself being in love, successful, married with a lot of beautiful kids. Life took it's own course. sometimes what you dream of isn't the dream God has planned for you. We go through so many relationships trying to figure out what's the problem and why. We tend to date the same type of guys/girls so the pattern still remains. Another thing I realized is that most people stay because of the years they been with that person. Years shouldn't be the reason to remain in an unhealthy relationship, no matter how long you are with that person leave when you are strong enough to leave. The longer you stay the harder it'll be to go. Few people get into relationships simply because they're lonely; being lonely is a good thing. Being lonely helps you figure out things about yourself, getting a better understanding of what you deserve. You're worth more than lonely, bored or being someone's booty call. Or when people just like to date for the holidays. Smh! I rather be alone than be in any kind of temporary relationship. Never be someone's 2nd, the sideline, main or whatever the new words are for not being crap to that one guy. Be his queen, one and only, future wife. These are the things that a "MAN" will see in you. Sometimes we run into the people that just aren't ready, some of us stay but some of us want that serious relationship right away. I have many thoughts about this. For the ones that stay you may feel stupid sometimes and may feel like you're wasting your time but in reality you're taking your time. To see the seriousness in this relationship do things differently you don't have to see each other all the time, you don't have to call, text keep it strictly "Getting to know each other". This is how you don't confuse things and get feelings involved to quickly. Make it a challenge, change it up so the same cycle won't happen again; give that guy/girl a reason to really get to know you mentally. Mind fuck him/her before anything this is how he will be more interested on getting to know you before anything. A challenge is always fun. When I write these things it's only because I've been through them. The crappy relationships, moving to fast, etc. True love comes when it's ready to come. Never force it. It's feel much more genuine when it just happens. Value being single, set your standards high. If  that person doesn't feel like you're worth the chase oh well!  I truly believe There is someone for everybody. I always speak of time. Time is everything, bad timing sucks but when the time is right no one can stop what and who is destined for you. Love.... Love is kind, love is patient!

Tunnel Vision (Inner Self)

Hello my readers :) Thanks to my cousin Mariah I've found a great topic to talk about. Tunnel Vision, When you see that light at the end of the tunnel do you walk straight or let the distractions of life distract you? Most of the time we miss out on opportunities for various reasons. We let the simple things distract us from something so much bigger, but that only comes with life's lessons. For example, you are in college; you have a huge test that you have to study for BUT there's a party going on that your friends invited you to, do you go or stay in and study? most of the time we go to that party. LOL! Don't be ashamed. Sometimes its ok to NOT hang with the crowd, or go to the popping parties just so you can get things done on time. Sometimes its ok to be that nerd because you are the light that's at the end of the tunnel. All that you're trying to accomplish is for yourself! Take the time out to find your inner self, take the time out to figure what it is that you need to do to move forward. The many things I can say I learned in the 22 years of living is that everyone has their own light why not shine on your own? why not pick up yourself to do what has to be done? I won't say that it is easy, but when you have the passion about whatever you would like to do in life go hard or go home. Nothing in life is easy so whenever you finish what you've been trying to finish it only feels great, you feel accomplished, you feel as if you can take on any challenge that is thrown at you. Let go of the temporary things that can mess it up for the long term. Work hard now so that later you'll be able to relax. remain focused, strong willed and motivated. I'm going through a similar transition in my life where I had to realize that the fun can wait. I want to start NOW I see the light, I see where I can be. All I have to do is just remain focused and keep my eyes on the prize. I also learned that you have a clearer mind, organized all the things you need to get to where you want to be. Lastly, not everyone needs to know your every move or what you're about to do next, these things you keep private. Everyone doesn't need to know what you're capable of, SURPRISE them. Show and TELL. If anyone asks what you're up to just show them. you'll be looked at like "sheesh she's been on her grind, that's why she/he has been missing." Be that person that nobody EVER  knows what's next with you. Just be great at whatever you do and remember you're trying to get to that light that's at the end of the tunnel.

When You're Finally Free

Wow! Its been awhile. I have so much to write about but I have no clue where to start. So many different things I've been through; through out 2013 till now. Some good, some bad. Out of the many things I've learned though out last year was "Patience". Patience to let things happen on its own, living without any worry because things always seem to come out "OK". I've learned how to be a better mother, friend, mate ETC. So many times we live life worrying about how, what, when and why. In life its best to let things expose itself; that's with everything As in: relationships, friendships, jobs. Let life takes its course with you. Less worry, less stress but more faith and confidence. Most people don't understand that our thoughts determine everything. Instead of wasting time thinking of all the negative things that can happen; fill your thoughts with positive things that WILL happen. Speak all great things into existence. This is where patience come in, we all need to understand that things doesn't happen over night. Let me use me as an example. I've been praying for peace and freedom for 3 years and my prayers were finally answered 2/24/2014. I've also realized a lot of things about people, I realized that people are so afraid of just being themselves because they are so afraid of being judged. At times we are so worried about the wrong things about who's doing what, when and who. All that time and energy put into that can be put into something productive. Its like I've seen people dislike the people that can just keep it real with themselves and there lives; but the only reason they are upset is because they've been sheltered for so long by an image they cant keep up with. When we truly understand why we are here that's when we finally be free and live. When we finally realize the things that ARE important and the things that AREN'T things would make better sense. When WE finally free are corrupted minds things will seem much more understanding! When we are able to work together with NO HATE! we will understand the true meaning of coming together. Last but not least When you're finally FREE you'll see why life is worth living for.